Love Has a Name

Lots of my posts are about Biblical insight around a Spirit-led revelation and practical application of 1st century truth relating to the 21st century world.

Well today is slightly different. Today is a post about facing the sin of ourselves and others we minister to by getting real with Jesus. This post will be a bit intense for some, but is absolutely necessary to hear for a lot of people. Especially Christians. So here we go.

It’s time to get real. Stop being afraid. It’s time to break out of your shell and the time to be shy has gone.

When was the last time you had a conversation and talked about tough topics? Like really talked about them. Even if you disagree about them! The topics of masturbation, pornography, sexuality or addictions to food, gambling, sex or smartphones are often summed up in 1 word.

Idolatry. A perfect and biblical definition because this is what we are dealing with.

However, if we don’t use the name of our specific problems then we are just playing nice and and end up avoiding the dig deep moments.

My journey with Jesus is filled with deep digging and tough, muddy problems. And believe me I’m not afraid to talk about it.

Personally, I have ventured through the quicksand of alcohol abuse, walked others (and have been walked through myself) through intense struggles involving sex, sexuality, masturbation and pornography. I have also ministered to and journeyed beside people who can’t stop eating or can’t stop using drugs. Others still who are addicted to their image and how many “likes” they can get on Instagram or Facebook.

These are the stories of countless Christians today and I do not dance around the issue. If you want to talk about something I will 100% talk about it. Anything. No matter what.

However, within my ministry I don’t play nice. What I mean is I don’t play nice when it comes to confronting sin. I am not nice to sin. I face it, fight it and confront it.

While I don’t play nice with sin it is the opposite with the sinner. What I mean is that I strive to extend the mercy and grace and forgiveness that was extended to me, a sinner,  by Christ Jesus. Furthermore, I mean that I will not avoid or shy away from going deep and jumping into the deep end.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to make it sound like I am without empathy or compassion. But if someone comes to me and says, “I love Jesus but I also drink too much.” My response is real, unscripted, rooted in prayer and full of Jesus’ abounding love. I will however ask questions, use pointed words and callout sin where I see it.

Of course, this is all based on having some type of relationship with the person. I’m not often ministering to strangers in this way. Strangers I do speak with about Christ and sin, however, the conversation is quite different. Today’s topic is relating to those people we have relationship with and an already established level of trust.

Once I know that we trust one another and that they know I absolutely and without question love them and desire nothing more for them then the freedom from the sin and the associated guilt, shame and pain, then we get in to the thick of it.

For example, I don’t like conversations that don’t use realistic words such as, “I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol,” or “I seek my approval from people online.” YES! These are great starting points and unbelievably healthy admissions of pain and suffering. They are also, I believe too often, the place where the conversation stays and I don’t agree with that.

I believe anyone who has had a conversation with me about my life, my life with Jesus and His unmatched power and irreplaceable Spirit, will say that the conversation often gets deep, and I will readily admit to you why I don’t drink alcohol, because, “if I drink alcohol, I will drink to get blackout drunk and be the most hammered person in the bar. This is why I just can’t drink anymore.”

Think about the 2 following statements:

“I drink too much,”

and

“I like to get hammered and blackout on Mondays because I feel cool and I am accepted by those friends closest to me.”

Now be honest, which one is real. Like really REAL! I don’t ever see Jesus avoid talking directly into someone’s sinful actions. The woman at the well for example. Jesus does not say to her, “well you may not have a husband but maybe you’ve had more than 1 because I think you are seeking approval.”

No. Jesus looks at her and says, “No, I know you have had 5 and your current one is not your husband.” When I read this I go “Whoa!” He called her out! Now realistically, she needed to hear this and Jesus clearly knew she was ready to hear this. (John 4: 17-18 ESV paraphrased)

And although the truth may be hard to hear this does not mean that we shy away from sharing it.

Yes, we absolutely must  be empathetic and compassionate and extremely careful. If we jump from “hello my name is Zak” to “I think you’re addicted to xanax” in the same breath, we will probably cause a lot of pain and potentially ruin a friendship, relationship and even cause someone to feel judged and condemned.

This is not my goal and not what I’m encouraging.

I am saying, though, that the conversations we have daily with our fellow believers, and sometimes unbelievers, must work toward establishg a trusting, respectful and loving relationship. We must build the relationship with a goal of getting real and going deep.

My intention for this post is to encourage you to look at and examine those conversations. Maybe there is only 1 or 2 people in your life that you share your challenges with. That is perfectly ok. I have been seeing a Psychologist for 6 years because of my exposure to trauma as a Police Officer. This has, at least in part, led me to develop this belief. As well, I am very open with my spiritual mentors and I don’t hold back from sharing.

One time before I came to know Jesus, I told my Psychologist to F*** off, because he called me out on my lies. He knew I had to hear something tough and he knew we had an established rapport. I knew deep down that he cared for me and so I didn’t feel judged but I felt offended that I got called out. In fact when I came back for my next appointment he asked me, “so, are you still mad at me?”

Funny fact, my Psychologist, I selected randomly from a list of people given to me by my employer. I did not know at the time that I chose him, but, he is a retired seminary professor and theologian. He also has been a Christian and lover of Jesus for decades. He spoke truth to sin and helped me achieve freedom from it because of his love for Jesus and love for truth.

We cannot really truly go deep and get real unless we call it what it is. Alcoholism is not “sometimes drinking too much.” Alcoholism is “drinking a bottle of tequila at 9am on a Tuesday and then passing out on the couch until noon.” I think you get my point.

I will admit that as I write this I know full well that it is not easy, it is uncomfortable and can be triggering for people. For all topics, especially sexual struggles, I intentionally do not use specific words or phrases so that I don’t cause someone to be triggered in a way that causes them to sin.

There is only 1 sure way to get real, get deep and know in full confidence that it is helpful. Pray before, pray during and pray after. Go forward in prayer the entire time. If the Holy Spirit prompts you to call out a sin that you see, don’t be afraid, be strong and have courage. The truth will, by definition, almost always, offend those who don’t want to hear it.

But I know that the truth will set you, and those to whom you minister, free. (John 8:32 ESV.)