Love Has a Name

Don’t be startled, this post isn’t about fire and brimstone. It is, as the photo implies, about how our good intentions can, and do at times, cause more harm than good. Furthermore, it is more about mental health and bringing hope to those who are struggle with their mental health.

NOTE: If you are struggling with your mental health or contemplating suicide, please tell someone, your family, trusted friend, spiritual advisor, mental health and/ or medical professional, and if necessary dial 911 (or visit your local hospital).

This post is in no way intended to FIX or SOLVE any mental health problems. In fact, it is about bringing to light the darkness of good intentions. Deeper than that, it is about unearthing our laziness, and at times ineptness, when helping our brothers and sisters with struggles, trials, and yes mental health problems.

Mental health in particular is layered, deeply woven and rooted in years and years of internal conflict and external trauma and cannot simply be “fixed”. I know this personally and have seen many take their own life because of it.

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Recently, by way of suicide in a family of whom I love dearly, one of their children committed suicide. He was much too young to die.

This post is not about him, nor about his family, neither is it about maligning his memory or saying that anyone in his life did anything wrong along the way. On the contrary, this young man was well loved, admired, and cared for by his family, friends, and colleagues.

No, this post is directed at Christians. Jesus professing, Bible loving Christians, who at times hear common phrases and add them to their vernacular simply because it sounds good and feels good to say.

Here are just a few:
“God loves you unconditionally.” – Yes and no. Jesus died for all, but only those professing Christ are saved. Jesus does not save unrepentant people, even though He died for them. While Jesus loves all without receiving anything in return, He will love people into hell based on their freewill choice to reject Him.

“Jesus loves the sinner but hates the sin.” – Initial reaction? True, however, God doesn’t send sin to hell, He sends the sinner. So, as much as God despises and punishes sin, it is the SINNER that is punished and it is the SINNER who needs to repent, not the sin.

“I can do all things through Christ.” – Again, yes and no. Can you climb Mount Everest with no training and no equipment? Of course not. Don’t want to study for a test? It’s ok, you can do all things through Christ… This may sound silly, but I’ve witnessed this phrase used for these types of situations. So a blanket use of this statement is irresponsible.

“Don’t judge.” – You may be thinking of Matthew 7:1. It does not say “DON’T judge, it says, “with the standard of judgement that you pass, you will be judged to the same standard.” This is alluding to the fact that yes we are to judge and make judgements everyday, but also to show mercy and compassion toward people. Any parent who wants to hire a babysitter would rightfully reject a convicted sex offender. But wait, “don’t judge…?” I would say, “YES absolutely judge!” Yet, have mercy and compassion and love people around you, while also calling out wrong actions, not judging their intentions. Only God knows the heart of men.

And here’s the main phrase for today…

“God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” To be blunt… WRONG!

The Apostle Paul writes exactly the opposite in 2 Corinthians 1:8-9.

“For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.”

Why am I making a big deal of this then and how does it relate to mental health?

Let me put forth a scenario to you, one that I have personally experienced.

A young man comes to meet you for coffee in the confidence and comfort of your home. Immediately upon sitting down you notice his face is sullen and his eyes glossy with tears. His demeanour is low and he is obviously grieved by something. Commonly, we would say it appears as though he is “carrying the weight of the world.”

This young Jesus loving man tries to put on a mask and looks at you, but he cannot smile, he cannot hide his pain. Looking into your eyes he breaks, exhales deeply, and begins to weep.

Only being able to express his pain and suffering of crippling anxiety by saying to you that this is the first time out of his house in weeks because of the weight of his anxiety and depression that he cannot seem to overcome, or as he puts it, “I can’t shake this off, it’s crushing me.“

Your heart breaks for him and you can almost feel his pain in your own self. With good intentions you say to him, “don’t worry, God won’t give you more than you can handle.” In your heart you intend him well and truly desire the best for him. You repeat this phrase because you think or you believe this to be true, without giving it much thought.

But why? Because you saw a meme on Facebook or Instagram? Or did you see that in the Bible somewhere?

No matter how good your intentions are, you have just told this young man that he is too weak to handle what is happening in his life right now. Essentially, that it is his fault for not being able to overcome. If only he was stronger he would not be struggling.

I can already hear voices saying, “but wait God does say He won’t give us more…” You are thinking of 1 Corinthians 10:13. Let’s examine the words closely between 2 Corinthians 1:8-9 and 1 Corinthians 10:13.

The first is saying, God may use circumstances for some people that they cannot handle, why? So that they turn to and rely on God alone.

The second is saying, God will give a way out of temptation.

Extremely different meanings that may have dire consequences.

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ, pay attention to the words you speak, they bring life or they bring death.

Ask yourself constantly, is that phrase true, how did I come to believe that it is true? Is the scripture I’m using in context or is there a better one to use? Don’t just be another voice in the echo chamber repeating the same good sounding phrases that can be, misleading or harmful.

Where is the hope then that I mentioned? Well, repeat that scenario from above… instead of regurgitating that “good” phrase you say something like this…

“I can see you are really burdened, hurting, and you are feeling crushed. I want to simply acknowledge that it must be hard and it probably feels as though you have no way out. Jesus asks us to go to Him and ask for His help to carry our burdens and to cast our cares to Him. It might not fix you today or tomorrow and possibly not for awhile, but the promise is Jesus is beside you and within you and He wants to take your pain. Can we pray together before we discuss anything more? <Noting that though only Christians are in dwelt by His Spirit, you could adapt this for an unbeliever as well.>

Can you see, or feel, the difference between these two responses?

While I am certainly no professional and I’m not perfect in my handling of these situations, I can say that acknowledging someone’s pain and graciously sharing in their burden is often times all that people need to get started.

So my encouragement to you and for anyone who may read this.

You are seen. You are known. You are loved.

And for you brothers and sisters, don’t cop out on doing the hard work and sitting in the mud with those who are stuck. You in turn will be blessed by witnessing the Spirit of the Living God work in the soul of the one in front of you.