Love Has a Name

I have been reflecting lately on my life. Those who know me will say that this is nothing out of the ordinary. My life before coming into a relationship with Jesus was void of much introspection and ponderance of greater things.

About 2 weeks ago I was blessed to be part of a journey with a group of approximately 20 people from Canada who came to visit many of the organizations which my church from Canada supports.

The late teen and young adults who visited were excited and moved by what God is doing in Cambodia and I know they returned to Canada with a breadth of new experiences and knowledge that will forever change, or at the very least help to shape, their lives as followers of Jesus Christ.

There were many great, loving and joyful experiences, however, being in a 3rd world country there were also exposures to some of the poorest living situations in the world. I am so fortunate and blessed to be called by Jesus to serve Him here in Cambodia and to help bring both relief and the joy of Christ to people here but also to walk alongside young men in building their relationship with Jesus.

These 2 weeks reminded me of my first trip to Cambodia in 2016. It was similar in nature and exposure and when I returned to Canada I was much more hurt than I had first believed. My heart broke for the world, the nation and several of the children whom we interacted with.

In a world and culture that leads us to believe that we cannot feel bad and if it feels bad then we must avoid it at all costs. Alcohol, sex and drugs are rampant among our society and in many ways encouraged.

Feel sad? Have a drink. Feel happy? Celebrate… have a drink. Not sure how to cope or talk about it? Have a drink and talk about it.

We face the battle of a mental health stigma everyday and there is less of an acceptance to saying “man I had the best chat with my Psychiatrist today,” than saying, “hey man wanna grab a beer?”

I will say for those who can honestly drink responsibly having 1 beer and chatting with a best friend isn’t necessarily bad. I am talking about the idea that we can somehow experience freedom from trauma, stress and pain by drinking or using drugs. This myth is skillfully sold to us by the makers and producers of said drugs and alcohol, but that is a different topic.

This all leads me back to faith and my feelings.. When I first returned home from Cambodia in 2016 I was hurting and I ended up drinking. I wasn’t sure where God was, how could Jesus see this pain and suffering and allow it to continue?

It was several months leading into a little more than a year later that I received an answer from the Lord and He once again healed my heart and allowed me to serve in Cambodia.

When I mention faith feeling bad in the title I don’t mean to say that faith must feel good or somehow someone doesn’t have faith if things are bad. I seek only to mention that faith feeling “bad” in a world where we want to only feel good is scary but important to mention.

I am certain Jesus wasn’t happy or excited to be crucified in fact when He prayed in the garden to the Father I’m sure he would have been happy to be relieved of the inevitable pain, yet, Jesus knew that endurance and perseverance in spite of pain and suffering was required in order to provide eternal life.

Faith will not always feel good. It will not always feel happy and joyful as we often experience on Sunday mornings or in community with friends and loved ones when we are typically smiling and grateful. These are times when it is easy to have faith and it usually feels good.

I will be the first to admit that it is really hard to be grateful when I hear a story of a child being abused, hit or deprived of food and water or a safe place to live. How about when a mother or father unnecessarily dies or someone or some group slaughters others because of conflicting beliefs.

I still have faith in these painful, heart wrenching moments because I have a relationship with Jesus. The only man, God, being that can provide hope for life after death as we look to the empty cross as proof of the resurrection.

Jesus is proof that faith will be hard, challenging and not always feel good. We are promised a life of trial and persecution. 11/12 disciples of Jesus were killed, beaten and jailed… martyred. All but John (and Judas), and even John was confined to a life of isolation as he wrote the Book of Revelation.

We are not promised only happy good feelings on this earth but we are promised that the King of Kings and Creator of Heaven and Earth will be with us in the fire and will walk alongside us as we face our ills and obstacles.

For this I praise Jesus for His endurance and voluntary suffering so I, and the entire world, may have hope in a Saviour that indeed is the only One to have overcome death and freely offer the gift of eternal life.

What is the next step then? When faith feels bad what do we do? I unfortunately learned the hard way and seeked out unhealthy behaviours until once again the Lord rescued me.

Community, Prayer, Scripture, Worship. Keeping these 4 activities top of mind during our daily, weekly and monthly routines and busy lives will help.

Community and Prayer is so very important. The first thing I did when my faith felt bad was unplug from my church, my community and to go it alone! This was not only unhealthy but I seriously struggled with emotions, behaviours and had noone to talk to because I chose to not talk to anyone!

Staying constant in prayer, scripture reading and worship (musical, art, dance or however you most intimately worship and hear from the Lord) is so vital.

It could very well save your life.