Love Has a Name

Josh and Jesus

I want to share a story with you. But before I begin, please keep in mind the point is not to pass judgment on anyone or say the church (meaning the organizational or systematic church) has failed or is ineffective or doesn’t know what to do. This story is from someone who had a journey of struggle and obstacles which aren’t easily navigated by man, yet are perfectly navigated with the light of Jesus Christ alone.

Let’s begin.

A young man, whom we will call Josh in the interest of privacy, was experiencing severe alcoholism, PTSD, depression and a self-identity crisis in his late 20’s. Josh decided to attend a church service and so walked into a church for the first time ever in his life. He sat down, stayed quiet and just listened. After some boisterous worship and after wiping away his tears, Josh began to listen to the pastor’s sermon. The pastor began to speak without hesitation about alcoholism and trauma! To cry coincidence is much too far a stretch to believe and any unbeliever would say that it was definitely “something” unique that happened.

“Why are they talking about me? Did they know I would be here today?” Joshed thought to himself conceitedly.

After hearing the message Josh was beyond intrigued, indeed he was infatuated, that someone, nevermind God, could relate to his life. To his struggle.

After this service, Josh did all the right things. He went to church on the following Sundays. He behaved “right” and read his bible, graciously given to him by one of the pastors at the church. He confessed to and repented from his sins and even shared deeply intimate stories. The pastor loved him, blessed him and prayed for him. It appeared that all was well and life had quite literally turned around. The young man’s doctor even asked what happened because all of his symptoms of PTSD and depression were gone.

What a miracle it was! Relieved of alcoholism, PTSD and depression virtually overnight.

So the newly ambitious Josh continued on his journey. Attending various church courses Josh learned about Spiritual Formation and deeper meaning about the Scriptures. He shared in community and served with the local outreach ministry. These courses were finely tuned, polished and efficient. He would attend, share a bit, read a bit, pray a bit, eat a bit and once the course finished he felt good about himself having learned more about God.

“What a religion,” he thought to himself, “God is so much better than I ever imagined.” The young man was learning and reading and memorizing Scripture, having wildly spiritual experiences, meeting in fellowship with countless other Christians and doing the “right” thing.

Except one thing was missing.

Jesus. Jesus Christ was missing. Josh was not in love with Jesus.

Now I feel the sincere need to say here that Jesus was NOT absent nor uninterested in this man’s life, however, no-one was really talking about the relationship with Jesus and how it was so important. What did it mean to believe and what did it mean to be Christian?

As most young adults do, Josh came with baggage. This baggage included that of brokenness in relationship and so did not understand what it means to be in relationship. As this topic had not come up in the courses he did not know it was a “thing” to be in relationship with Jesus. After all, Josh had been in several relationships, some serious and some not so serious, 1 resulted in a marriage proposal which, for various reasons, did not end in engagement nevertheless marriage.

Approximately 9 months after meeting God, he had some challenging relationship issues with a really dear friend. It felt as if God was not there, not helping. The Book said He would help but still Josh somehow couldn’t transpose the God of the Bible into real life.

Where was God in his time of need? Why wouldn’t He help?

Having been left to his own strength, Josh relapsed. And he relapsed in glorious fashion. Parties, alcohol, sex and relationship after relationship. Patching the heartbreak of the world with things of the world just wasn’t working anymore. God had apparently fixed him but during that first obstacle of deep suffering, God didn’t work.

God’s breathed Word had quickly become black and white, size 10 Times New Roman text that was typed onto translucent paper which tore easily.

The cycle continued. Repentance, healing, happiness and joy, church service and community followed by pain, tears, suffering and rebellion.

“Will this never stop? Life was better before!” he cried out to God. “At least I did not have to ride this rollercoaster of agony before I met you.”

During one of the happier times, Josh invested deeply in the local church. He served, he tithed, he participated in events and even went overseas on a missions trip. His heart broke for the impoverished people of the world and knew he wanted to do more to help. Although fostering some relationships with healthy, mature Christians during this time Josh would eventually rebel again.

Josh could not reconcile how God would allow such devastation and war to ravage the necessitous regions of the world. So he walked away from the church yet again.

It was a repetition that seemingly would never end until one day it all changed.

Josh was having a text message conversation with an acquaintance who for some reason chose a dreary Thursday morning to confide in him that he was struggling emotionally and personally with his current intimate relationship.

Josh’s heart was self-admittedly hard to God, yet in this moment knew he could not give the answers honestly to such problems regarding other people’s lives.

At that moment Josh uttered several fateful words which forever would change his life. “God I need your help just a little bit. Not for me, but for my friend.”

As those words were spoken Josh crumbled and under the weight of the Holy Spirit fell to his knees and began to weep. Now while Josh will tell you at that time he didn’t recognize what happened, he will now say that it was clearly Jesus’ presence that brought him to fall at the slightest sniff of Holiness.

The conversation ended and Josh knew where to turn, even though he felt overwhelmingly embarrassed to once again reach out for help. Josh’s pastor, let’s call him Damian, was a busy man ministering to the community, families, boyfriends and girlfriends, newlyweds or anyone else who just wanted to talk.

Damian always had Thursday mornings free for himself and those, these, God moments.

“Hey Damian, how are you? Can we talk?” Josh texted.

“Hey, it’s good to hear from you, sure! I am free now for a couple hours, want to come by my office and chat?” Damian replied.

“That would be great. See you soon.” Josh stated.

Having been touched by the Holy Spirit Josh could barely move without tears falling. Josh wasn’t crying but teardrops continued to rain onto his shirt. He made his way to the church and sheepishly tried to slink into the chair. Damian wanted no part of it. Damian embraced Josh with both arms and hugged him as a father would to their son who had been gone for several months. He missed him. He loved him.

Josh tried to speak, “hey listen I’m sor…”
“Stop.” Damian said abruptly, “I just want to hear how you are. It has been a long time. What is new with you?”

Fighting back a barrage of tears Josh replied, “I asked God for a little bit of help, but not for me! I just wanted Him to help a friend of mine.”

“Yea He does that. He loves you so much that any small opening to His love will be seized and He sweeps you, He sweeps me, away in His love. That’s why He’s God.”
Damian shared. The words were not rehearsed, Damian just loved that Josh was back, sharing, talking.

Damian was the first pastor that Josh interacted with on any level aside from those televangelists on T.V. who promise a new life if you send them $19.99. Damian had nothing but grace, mercy and love for everyone and Josh knew it. Each and every time Josh came and sat in his office, Damian didn’t blink at the sin Josh confessed, he just said he loved him, prayed for him and said, “let’s get back at it!”

It was this moment and after that conversation that Josh invested in relationships. He didn’t go back to church right away. He didn’t serve and didn’t pray a whole lot. However, Josh did connect with friends and share what has been happening deep inside his heart. The troubles, the conflicts and the worries.

Josh invested in relationships and prioritized them above all else. Instead of cancelling on a friend because something more fun was suggested, Josh would stay true to his commitment to meet for a coffee or dinner and pass up the party. He forewent the adrenaline of meeting new people, parties and vacations and sat and listened to his friends. He felt at home. He felt safe. Other people had the same troubles but he had never bothered to listen, never mind to hear them.

After a while Josh visited Los Angeles. Many friends lived there and Josh had opened up to 1 in particular. This friend, we will call David, asked Josh if he wanted to move. Josh said, “yea I would move somewhere.” David listened and said, “so why not?” Why not do it?”

Josh could only come up with flimsy excuses. You see Josh doesn’t need to work. His life unfolded in such a way that he was 30 years old and received a pension for life. The circumstances were not great in how they came to be, however, the result was quite incredible.

After the week-long trip to L.A. Josh returned home with the words, “why not” slamming into the walls of his skull. Each time Josh asked himself, “yea why not?” he couldn’t come up with a reason not to make a change.

So he prayed. Josh got on his knees and prayed. “God, I don’t know what you want or what you have prepared for me but I want to live for you. I obviously don’t have very good plans, so I’m yours.” Almost simultaneously God spoke. “Travel. Asia. 1 year,” were the words heard.

So Josh ruminated for awhile and seeked out advice from friends and family as well as Damian. They searched the Scriptures and came to a conclusion.

“I think God wants you to leave and experience the world.” Damian said, “you have nothing holding you back here, legitimately, so why not?”

Josh laughed and said, “why not, there’s that phrase again.” They smiled at each other. The decision was made. Josh gave 2 months notice at his job, he worked because he got bored and his workplace was a retail job where he could talk to people, hang out with staff and just have fun. With lots of life experience and a desire to work, Josh’s quick foray into the world of retail led him rapidly into a management role with solid potential for upper management positions.

As it happened, Josh quit his job, had his dog adopted, sold his car, finished the lease on his apartment and gave away everything he owned to his brother who, after suffering a separation from his fiancé, was forced to move out while experiencing financial strain and having nowhere to sleep for himself or his 5 year old during visiting times.

Josh moved in with his dad and lived in the spare room for 3 months while completing an ESL Teacher Training Course online.

This time was still challenging and Josh struggled with some temptations but he was deadset on living for God and experiencing what He had in store for Josh. Josh continued to pursue Jesus Christ, every… single… day.

2 weeks before Josh left for Southeast Asia, he had coffee with another pastor, a good friend who had journeyed abroad with Josh 2 years before. They discussed, they shared, Josh cried. The conversation resulted in Josh learning that a team was travelling to Vietnam.

“Can I join you in Vietnam?” Josh asked.

“I don’t see why not.” His pastor replied. “We will be there at the end of October. We also have some training beforehand if you would like to join?”

“Yea, I would like that,” Josh said.

And so it came to pass. Josh participated in the training and set off to Southeast Asia for what was to be a year of venturing and experiencing God and His greatness in all of His creation.

However, that did not happen. Josh met with the church team in Vietnam and quickly realized he had to stay put. Many prayers and much discernment took place over several weeks and months. Josh had to stay in Vietnam.

This journey continued and Josh was deeply connected to God, to Jesus.

Josh was busy networking and meeting faithful, mature Christians so as to have people to go to in times of need. Josh recognized his weakness in relationship and so began to meet people he could talk to and trust.

This resulted in a meeting with someone we will call Peter. Peter had been in Vietnam for over a decade and was in the business of discipling local men to have an intimate relationship with Jesus.

“Relationship with Jesus?” Josh asked Peter.

“Yup. That’s the goal.” Peter replied.

“But what do they do? What do you… do?” Josh quizzically enquired.

“We… do… relationship I suppose you could say. You see…” Peter replied again, breaking into a mini-sermon, “Christians don’t have a monopoly on good works, even unbelievers do that and often times are better than us Christians at it! Christians also don’t have a monopoly on the supernatural, signs and wonders. During Moses’ time, the pharaoh’s mages were replicating the signs that Moses performed. Different God but the same signs. So then, what is the whole point to the Christian life?”

There was a silence. Josh could state a hundred verses from the bible and effectively sell the Christian faith to anyone, but after hearing this Josh had nothing to say.

Peter, with a slight smirk and tears sitting precariously in his eyes, remarked, “relationship. We have an intimate, deeply personal relationship with Jesus Christ. The God who chose to become a mere man, a humble servant and die a savage death so we could have life. That is the “point” of being a Christian. No other God has ever died for human beings. Broken, lonely, hurting human beings.”

Peter smiled, a tear dropping as he smiled and Josh took a deep breath as he fought back the rush of tears welling up behind his eyes, trying to keep the dam from breaking.

They went through Scripture and talked more about that before finishing with Exodus 33:16 where Moses interceded to God to stay with His people otherwise no-one would know that they were His children.

It was there in that moment. In that simple heartbeat in time that Jesus “made sense” to Josh. Relationship. “Everything Jesus did was to have relationship with us wasn’t it?” Josh asked.

“Yup. Everything he did was for people but against the world. He loves us. He wants to be with us. Period. No amount of works be it good or miraculous will earn Jesus’ love. It is finished.”

So there it was. Josh had been trying to earn and learn, meet and greet, memorize and strive to be loved by Jesus while at the same time, never getting to know who Jesus was and is.

How miraculous and patient is our Father in Heaven that He forgave, and continues to forgive, Josh for his many indiscretions. Josh didn’t know it at the time, but God was fighting on his side. Behind the scenes, planting seeds, whispering to him, guarding him and leading him to people and people to him, until the day where the Holy Spirit whispered into Josh’s ear, “I love you. You’re mine and you can’t change that even if you tried, and I know how hard you tried.”

Josh chuckled to himself as he imagined Jesus saying those words, “… I know how hard you tried,” because Josh now realized that Jesus was with him all along, anxiously awaiting Josh’s heart to crack so that he could light the match with the embers of his spirit that had previously been ablaze.

Josh now saw that the church did its job, albeit not perfect, his pastors did their job, they loved Josh and demonstrated love, compassion, mercy and grace, and Josh did his job, he just desired Jesus and at times questioned him.

It was all messy and disorderly but that is the way it goes sometimes, most of the time. Thank God our Father that He and Jesus are better than all of that and are thankfully patiently waiting for us and for our heart to crack, even just a bit.

He wants to be in relationship with us. What good news this is! We simply need to receive and believe in the One who sent him.

I will leave you with this Scripture I believe sums up Josh’s experience of working hard and doing right. Although it was a journey ultimately destined for reunification with Jesus Christ, Josh had no idea that he could never earn the free gift of mercy and grace poured out at Calvary 2000 years ago.

“28 They replied, “We want to perform God’s works, too. What should we do?”
29 Jesus told them, “This is the only work God wants from you: Believe in the one he has sent.””
John 6:28-29 NLT